Hey! Must be the money!

Child birth isn’t for the faint of heart. After 34 hours of labor, I ended up having to have a c-section anyway. Birth plan, smirth plan. Shout out to the nurses who kept me calm and distracted me with stories of their lives. And god love my doctor who held my hand as they wheeled me into surgery and lovingly said, “Today is just like any other day.”

It was way too bright in the operating room and the music reminded of the end of Splash Mountain after you’ve made it through the drop and all the rabbits and foxes are singing…creepy. “Is there a Kendrick Lamar station?” I said to the nurses as I hugged myself and they transferred me to the operating table. Even though one of the nurses said she’d be down with Kendrick, my doctor and I agreed that might be a little too…well…not RIGHT for this moment. We settled on the R & B station. My man came in and sat by my side when Ride Wit Ya (Nelly) blasted over the speakers. I was shaking from the anesthesia when I shouted, “Hey! Must be the money!”

Doc said, “Dad, stand up!” and I was so jealous that he could see our little guy before I could. In retrospect, my guts were on a plate, so it’s probably better I was busy rapping at that moment. A few seconds later, a blue gloved hand thrust my son in the air over the partition and I lost my breath. Like a Lifetime movie on pause, HOT, WARM blood flooded my body and I began to cry. Holy shit, that’s him. He cried. I cried. And then he was on the table a few feet away from me. My man yelled back to me, “He’s perfect!”

After what felt like a extended commercial break after a suspenseful cliffhanger, the nurse placed my son on my chest and he looked me square in the eye. Wow, he was a force to be reckoned with. All I could think was, “You’re so cute. I didn’t think you’d be so cute.” He looked at me like, “I got you mom. We got this.” A powerful little booger. Right then and there, we agreed his name would be Otis.

The ride home from the hospital was as many parents warned me it would be…SCARY. I may have had a few rolling panic attacks, wondering how the hell I was going to keep this little human alive with my body. Breast feeding is gnarly ya’ll. Yes, it’s beautiful and all that but it’s also terrifying and painful. I’d never felt so vulnerable in my life. On the one hand, I had this huge, new responsibility in my life. On the other, I wasn’t sure I could walk up the stairs to our bedroom.

I had to get used to asking for help. For a workaholic former dancer, not being able to physically do the things you want to do is like torture. I’m also very clumsy at asking for help and can come off like I’m on set asking for a dolly track when all I really wanted was for someone to hold ME and tell me everything would be alright. Before going to the doctor to get my staples out, I flung myself into my mother’s arms and sobbed. It’s true what they say about appreciating your mother when you finally have kids of your own. And of course, I’ll always be her baby.

I love my son so much. He breaks me apart and fills me up every day. Being a mother is spiritual challenge as well as a physical one. I am not in control, yet I want to protect him and teach him with all that I am. I am humbled by his patience with me and in awe of his purity. I’ve had to learn to ask for help and to receive it with grace. It’s not pretty sometimes, but I’m working on it.

P.S. Otis means wealthy… 

The Perks Of Pregnancy

I’m one of those people who likes being pregnant. One of the best things about being pregnant is that even if I’m not particularly productive on any given day, well…at least I’m growing a baby. That always makes me feel useful.

Of course there are some days when I feel trapped in my body and I’d like to strap the baby suit on someone else for a few hours while I go to dance class and twerk my butt off. For now, I relish in long walks with Jack and online yoga in my office.

I feel really powerful when I’m pregnant. My body is so smart! It knows just what to do! It tells me what to eat and when I need to rest and there is no arguing with that. My body is a BOSS. And my boobs! I bought a “D” bra for the first time in my life. I feel so voluptuous, like I finally joined the millions of women who actually have a good excuse for wearing a bra. Most of my life, I wore one more as an accessory, the purple bra strap sticking out from my t-shirt on purpose.

And don’t get me started on the men. They are so kind and generous, now that it’s obvious I’m pregnant and not just possibly overweight. It feels like male behavior toward me changed over night. I went from being invisible at times, to being the object of which brings back fond memories of when their wives were pregnant. Then there’s the door opening and the helping me with my groceries to the car, and the smiles that say “You’re beautiful.” It’s really quite sweet.

And the women! I get all kinds of great advice. Women are so helpful. Whether they have kids or not, it’s almost as if you are suddenly family and they would do anything to make your life just a little bit easier. I’ve been offered guided mediations, to play dates with our dogs, to picking up something I’ve dropped before I can get to it. Their look says to me, “You’re powerful.” It’s really quite inspiring.

The best thing about being pregnant is that you have the best excuse in the world to nap. “You’re growing a baby! Rest,” my friends say to me. “It’s the last time you’ll get great sleep  for the rest of your life,” fathers of toddlers tell me. So I nap. I nap every day and I hardly ever feel guilty about it. I place my knees over my body pillow and give myself forty minutes to take care of me.

There is always something to look forward to; the doctors appointment in two weeks, the lamp I ordered for the baby’s room to arrive in the mail, the baby kicking and squirming in my belly. It’s the ultimate project with all kinds of milestones to mark the time with. And all the while, my baby keeps growing and each day is a day closer to when I get to meet him.

Oh and there’s rocky road! If it weren’t for being pregnant, I wouldn’t know how magically delicious this substance is. Pregnancy has taught me that marshmallows in ice cream is the way to go and chocolate can cure stress. There’s also my hair! My God, it’s beautiful. It’s so thick. Sometimes, I brush my hair all to one side all 80’s like, to experience it’s ultimate fullness. I’ve noticed I’m softer and a bit sweeter. I like this side of myself and going to try and hang onto it.

And at the end of it all….if I’m lucky, I’ll get to say I have a son.

2016 Year End Wrap Up

January 1rst 2016. Stephanie and her dog Rocky met us at the Ventura Dog Beach. A place where in my near future I would be taking Jack on many adventures. But I didn’t know this then. All I knew is that I needed to heal. I was still very raw from losing my baby girl in September and even though I had hope I would make it through and eventually get my shit together, most days I felt like the odds were stacked against me.

I put one foot in front of the other, as they say, and woke up each day seeing it as an opportunity to find joy in spending time with the people I love and working on things I felt passionate about. Easy does it…

The year started off with a lot of pictures of Jack. He can’t help it. He looks good at every angle. He’s the ultimate emotional support dog, with his goofy grin and playful demeanor. I can’t tell you how many compliments this dude gets on a daily basis. 

I joined the Film Fatales and wasn’t long after, that I hosted an event in my backyard. There were 30 female filmmakers there, including Lesli Linka Glatter who humbly acted like she was one of us. God, I love that woman. We talked about creating your own content and the successes of women who had created their own TV shows. That night, I made a commitment to myself to see Hey Day through, a series I had shot a pilot presentation for in 2015.


In March for my birthday, 13 of my closest girlfriends shared a house at the Sycamore Hot Springs and danced with a live band at the Madonna Inn. We even challenged a table of little girls to a dance off. They accepted then quickly ran away when they realized we were a bunch of drunk old ladies.  Throughout the fun filled weekend, nobody really said it outright, but this team of ladies was like my rescue squad. The amount of support and love I felt that weekend healed my heart in a way that made me think everything was going to be okay. And that I didn’t have to be stuck anymore in this story of “sadness.” My friends are magical and completely bad ass. Crap, I’m crying now. img_3074img_3149

Off I went to New York to fill my cup with inspiration in the form of the New York Art Fair. There’s something about the city that restores my confidence and plants my feet firmly on the ground. I was going to be starting another episode of Pretty Little Liars soon and I wanted some new visual references to draw from. The smells and vibe of New York City, as well as the stranger at the bar who I happen to have a fun, meaningful conversation with, always make me feel like home. The City is the first place I lived on my own, where I found my independence and where I began to understand who I could become as an artist. I got exactly what I needed.


It was time for me to put my directing hat back on (just kidding I don’t wear a hat when I’m directing) and this time I was especially excited about the fact that there was a stunt in my opening sequence. Meg Foster told me that she appreciated my style of directing and that she was so happy to see a young woman in a leadership position on set. The cast and crew couldn’t have been more welcoming and it was a productive and incredibly enjoyable shoot. I was honored that I got to be a part of the last season on such a memorable show with such a great group of people. To add some icing to that delicious cake, a good friend of mine Sprague Grayden was in the episode. She brought me a Starbucks coffee with “Boss Lady” written on it. It was a pretty great moment. Thanks Sprague!


The day after we wrapped my episode of PLL, I took off to Tulum, Mexico. I wasn’t there two hours before I witness a circular rainbow. The rest of the trip went pretty much like that…. a vortex full of love.  I made some new friends, the Kopacz sisters (5 of them), who are a FORCE, let me tell you… I’m so happy to know them and to have witnessed their bond as sisters. The last night, I choreographed a little dance routine for Anita, the birthday girl and we danced all night while we sweat off our repellent and the mosquitoes ate us all up! It was worth it, because we got it all on camera. Boom!img_3003

Jack and Minae fell in love.


The best part of the summer is when my brother Manaia and niece Magic came to visit from American Samoa. We did all the dorky family stuff like go to Universal Studios, have BBQ’s and hang and eat pizza. I wish they lived closer but they live in paradise so I wouldn’t want to take that away from them for selfish reasons. Guess that means I have to go to Manua soon to visit! img_1876img_2965

I went to Hawaii with my homies and I visited my 2nd family at GH for the annual Nurse’s Ball!


img_4617There was loss of life and new life this year. Three of my friends lost a parent. And I got to finally meet Bowie Banjo! It wasn’t difficult to predict this baby would be beautiful.  But my goodness, he’s a cutie. And so sweet and chill. Love that kid.


While house hunting in Ojai, Jack may have picked up another girlfriend. Sorry Minae! He was just trying to get to know the people in the town. You’re still his LA girl.


I became a producer on a much needed documentary on female filmmakers and TV Directors by Cady McClain called Seeing Is Believing: Women Direct. It feels great to be a part of a community who is literally changing the face of the entertainment business one woman at a time. These women inspire me every day.


Oh and Hey Day got picked up by a production company! (More news on this later.)


After much deliberation, thought and faith, me, Jack and my anonymous partner (my man) made the big move out of LA and into Ojai valley. To say that Ojai is place of healing is an understatement. I’ve been drawn to this place for the last 15 years but it wasn’t until now that I was ready to make my move and call it home. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Venice Beach changed my life for the better. I learned how to surf, put some serious hang time in with the homies, but it was time to move on.

Two weeks before we moved in, I found out I was pregnant again. And although I no longer have the luxury of being naive, I can’t help but think the timing is just perfect. Despite all the politics and the horrendous election (I just can’t right now), this year has been such a blessing. Thank you for letting me share the good, the bad and the ugly with you.

Happy Holidays! Thank you all for your support and I wish you guys a wonderful New year!

Equal Means Equal… dammit.


Before seeing the incredible documentary Equal Means Equal, I had no idea that in 2016, women do NOT have equal rights under the constitution. The documentary also touches on all of the situations in our society that are affected by this including; violence against women, the fight for equal pay, reproductive rights, sexual assault, and healthcare for women. I was compelled to dig deeper…

Here is my interview with Kamala Lopez (Equal Means Equal Director/Ex Producer) and Suzanne Whang (Actor/Comedian/Activist):


Hi ladies, I wanted to do this interview in a round table sort of discussion because I saw your film (Kamala) when Suzanne had a screening at her house.


K: Which is so great! And exactly the idea! My dream is that we have all these groups of women who are hosting parties and working together to continue to build this movement.


Me: And it really is like this circle of inspiration…Especially when women hold each other up, so thank you both of you for talking to me today.


K: Of course, I love this!


S: Yes! Thank you for doing it!


Me: What is your hope for the impact of your film? Do you suggest that people do their own home screenings?


K: Yes, that’s exactly it. The thing is, we are in a society right now where it’s so top-heavy in terms of power. If you want to get any information out, it can only come from the people. We are going to have to take this on ourselves, and the way to do that is to build community, groups of people who are educating one another, and that permits the politicians to do what they need to do because they have the public pressure.


Me: EXACTLY. (Ahem)


S: Oooh, I just got goose bumps! Because years ago, I spent some time with the RESULTS organization (www.RESULTS.org) and went with Marianne Williamson to DC to be trained in citizen activism. I didn’t realize that any constituent could ask for and get a meeting with their Senator or Congressperson.


Me: Wow! I didn’t know that.


S: Congress people have so much on their plate, and issues can slip through the cracks, unless there is a concerned citizen who brings a bill to their attention and says, “You initiated this bill. Why haven’t you signed it? “. And they might say, “I thought I did,” and by the end of the day, it can be signed. These politicians are telling us, “MAKE ME DO IT. If there are enough of you that talk about this, then I have to do it. “


K: Laws were passed since Patricia Arquette (Co-Executive Producer of Equal Means Equal) made her speech at the Oscars, because politicians realized they could capitalize on that publicity.


S: Also, one hand written letter counts as the equivalent of ten thousand constituents’ opinion. Clicking on a petition is not as good as writing a letter. These are all good things to know.


Me: I absolutely think we should be taking action, but for a moment, I want to draw our attention to the emotional component of the film. There is value in the shared experience in watching this film because, well, before we watched it, Suzanne made a little speech about how if anyone gets triggered by what they see, go ahead and leave out the backdoor and it’s totally ok and blah blah blah…I remember thinking WTF? Triggered?


S: Ha, yes I did say that, because the film triggered a lot of pain inside of me, and I saw 5 women walk out of a screening at the Laemmle Music Hall theatre in Los Angeles.


Me: As we watched the film, there was this undercurrent of pain radiating throughout the room and all of these feelings came up in me. Old feelings. The part that focused on domestic violence in America and throughout the world was particularly difficult for me to watch. The first memory I have as a child is my father being physically abusive to my mother. From day one, I had an idea of what I would be dealing with as a woman. The next feeling that came was shame, and I realized in that moment that this is absolutely a gender-specific issue. We as women have a collective experience, and remembering our pain is also really important in helping us pull through it together.


K: I agree, Kimberly. I think the model of those consciousness raising groups from the 60’s is what we need to sort of redo in a modern way. We are going to form a circle so we can have the courage and the strength to look at these things together. We are not alone. We are going to see ourselves as a unit, and that is most powerful thing we can do.


S: I don’t know if you know this Kamala, but your film inspired me to run for office!


K: That is AMAZING Suzanne.


Me: I have one last question for you, Kamala. Did the process of making this kind of film have a psychological impact on you?


K: It’s a completely different experience than a narrative film. This is deeply personal because I realized that every woman that watches this movie would have a direct connection to at least two, or three overlapping issues. This is not a movie… it’s a MOVEMENT.



Go to: http://equalmeansequal.com to learn more about the MOVEMENT!


Have a house party and show the film… join in the conversation. Be informed and make your vote count!

Cult Vibes

We’ve all heard of Waco, Polygamist sects and cult-like religions. Some of them have ended in death and or have been exposed for rape and abuse. We all shake our heads and say, “how does that happen?” We wonder how the members of that particular cult are able to buy into the ideologies that make them do these crazy things. Why the mass suicides, why do women let their children be abused?


I’d like to talk about the not so obvious cult like groups, in an attempt to answer those questions. They all use the same tactics; charismatic leaders, buzzwords, indoctrinations, mob mentality, group pressure and exclusivity. It’s the mentality of, “I know best. Follow me and you will be one of the special ones.” But here’s the kicker… you have to BELIEVE it and in order to be trustworthy and stay in the group, you must share this GIFT with the world.


I was born and raised Catholic, baptized with Godparents and the whole shebang. We went to church on Easter and for midnight mass like a lot of good Catholics do. I believed in God but I didn’t know much about the Bible, just that I wanted to follow the rules and be a good person… whatever that meant.


So when I arrived in Ney York City as an 18-year-old freshman at NYU, I had no idea that I would be the prime target of a Christian cult. I knew one person close to my age in New York who happened to be a pretty famous pop-star at the time, so when they introduced me to a nice group of people at an ice-cream shop, I was grateful to have an almost instant group of friends. Shortly after that, one of the girls invited me to Bible Study. I had been too busy with work when I was little, to get my first communion, so I thought what the heck? Better late than never.


Bible Study consisted of reading Bible chapters with a small group of people at the coffee shop in St. Marks. I was fascinated. It was like reading a highly emotional history book. The first time I went to actual church with these new friends, I was a little bit wierded out by all the hand flapping and crying during worship but the performer in me kinda vibed with it. Why not be passionate about God? Soon, I was being invited to little parties and whatnot and I met the elders of the church, who now looking back were probably only in their early 30’s. They took a special liking to me and offered to continue my Bible studies at their house. At the time, I was living in a dorm room that felt more like a dingy jail , so brunch and Bible talk on the upper-west side sounded mighty fine to me.


During one of these Bible studies, the female elder casually dropped that I needed to be baptized. It was my gift, my graduation present for having completed all thirteen Bible studies. I promptly yet politely informed her that I was already baptized Catholic when I was a baby. She held my hand rather sweetly and told me that none of that counted. God only cares when you make the decision for yourself and Catholic Baptisms are more ceremonial than anything. This whole, “making your own decisions” really appealed to me at the time since I had just turned 18 and I was legally allowed to make my own decisions. “Alright. Put me in the tank, “ I said.

Thanksgiving Break was coming up and I hadn’t seen my family in months. The day before school got out, I was informed by the elders that I couldn’t go home at the break. (Wait, what?) I was to be baptized that day and it would be best if I stick around New York with the people of the church. I would be a “baby Christian” and easily influenced by Satan. WHOA. First of all, I already had my ticket booked and second of all, they had nothing to worry about. I was going to see my Aunt and Uncle who were two of the best Catholics I knew! That’s when it all came out…


  1. Catholics aren’t really Christians
  2. I was a part of a special church that’s in a passage of the Bible
  3. There are a finite number of people that are allowed into heaven and this church is the only church that God recognizes as his people
  4. Because of my notoriety as an actress, God has picked me to witness to the world and be an example


I want to tell you that I ran, that I said “Ya’ll are crazy” or had some great kind of come back. But really, I was disappointed. I felt manipulated and sad, that I was being used so this organization could say that “Robin from General Hospital” went to their church. I lied and told them I would think about it, then left and deleted all of their phone numbers. I escaped to LA the next day and when I came back, members of the church stalked me until I filed a campus police report. It was scary. They would show up outside my classes, call me until I would pick up and leave me notes at my dorm room saying “We are praying away Satan for you and we want you to come back to Jesus and to us.” Eventually they stopped when I wrote them back and said I was going to make a documentary about them. Don’t mess with a budding filmmaker!


A friend of mine recently had an encounter with sort of self-help group that left a bad taste in her mouth. Luckily my friend knew in her gut something was up and was able to get out. She was kind enough to chat with me about it…



Me: What was going on in your life when you decided to seek out this organization?


Friend: I wasn’t surfing as much, so every day felt like ground hog day to me. And a break up happened. But really, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose.


Me: Are you religious?


Friend: No… Spiritual.


Me: Would you describe yourself as a loner?


Friend: I don’t need to have a lot of friends, just a few close friends and I’m good.


Me: What other groups are you a part of?


Friend: Sports, Surfing, Lesbian community


Me: What were you looking for in this series of classes?


Friend: I went into it, knowing I needed to work on me, but when I got to the third level, I didn’t feel like I was aligned with it. I felt manipulated because, I had taken a class like this before and I didn’t like that there was such pressure to “enroll” my friends, so I asked at the beginning if that was going to be a part of the process and I was told no, “We are a selective group.”


Me: Were you aware in the first two levels that you were being indoctrinated?


Friend: No, because they tear you down and then you have a blank slate to work with. I felt it in my heart. It felt like… freedom. It touched me. I became aware of why I am the way I am.


Me: When did it change for you?


Friend: When I got to level three, they told me that in order to be a good leader, I needed to “enroll “my friends. They would call and check in and ask me how many people I had enrolled that week. They would say things like, “life is an enrollment game.” I had already told them in the beginning that I wasn’t interested in that sort of thing. I was even told that if I didn’t “enroll” my friends, that I wasn’t a good leader and that I couldn’t be trusted. Basically, they wanted us to sell their classes for them and I wasn’t comfortable doing that. That’s when I got out.


Me: What happened after that?


Friend: I was bombarded with texts, video messages, and emails, saying, “What’s your breakdown?” “How can I be of support for you?” They wanted to coach me through it. They would use my vulnerability against me. They would say, “That’s your ego fighting against you. It doesn’t want you to grow. You need to stretch.”


Me: That reminds me so much of what I heard from the church, like “you don’t have faith because you’re asking questions”. Or, “you must not be listening to God, because God is telling me something about you that’s completely different.”


Friend: Yup. Same thing.


Me: What was the scariest part?


Friend: Someone I know in the group sent me a group text that I wasn’t on talking about tactics to get me back in the organization. The instructor shared my address and asked someone to go my house and use the “evoking” method.


Me: Yeah, those videos you showed me of those girls saying they were “devastated” over and over again and crying cause you’re leaving….dang, that was like straight out of a movie. So crazy.


Friend: Right? They all drank the Kool-Aid.



My friend did say that she got something good out these classes, which is a shame that it had to turn all corporate and cult-y. At least she listened to her gut when it was said it was time to get out. Thank god I did the same back in the day.


These types of organizations are all around us, and I don’t believe they are all evil or all good for that matter. But I do think we are all equipped that special sense which it only ours that tells us when something isn’t right.


Listen to it.


Unknown-1Before I got my job on GH when I was 7, I was already training to be an Olympic gymnast. All that really means, is you get picked out of a crowd and a really special trainer loosely claims you. I remember sitting in an office where my mother described to this trainer what this new acting job would entail. He looked at me as if you say, “Well, you’ve already made your decision. You can’t do both.” In fact, I didn’t have much control over this decision. I only knew I wanted it all. Huh- nothing’s changed in that department.

So, I became an actress and stopped training as a gymnast. But I never stopped flipping. Up until a couple years ago I could still do an ariel with ease. I’m obsessed with the sport and have followed every single Olympics from VCR to DVR. My mother reminded me last week how my Grandma would tape the entire Olympics for me, “We have the tapes somewhere, all those labels…,” my mom cackled. Of course, I always watch them live, but I would watch the tapes and study them, imagining how it would feel floating from the high bar to the low bar.

The 2016 Olympics have been exciting for me. Even though we all knew Simone was going to win, it was still a thrill to see her do it (crush it). It was great to see the reigning champ Gabby back, and Aly really impressed me with how she’s gotten even more skilled in the last four years. I’m obsessed with Laurie’s eyes and beautiful lines and Madison is killer on the bars…. an incredible team. Possibly the best ever.

Over the past week I’ve been gearing up for my 2nd episode of Pretty Little Liars (that I directed) to air, so imagine my surprise to find out the the “final five” and particularly Simone Biles are HUGE PLL fans! I’ve gotta thank social media for that little glorious nugget of information. All of a sudden I noticed Simone Biles RT (ing) my tweets and then Aly Raisman Dm’d me and I was all “AHHHHHHH!!!!” I fangirled out pretty hard. It’s a similar feeling to when I met Mayim Bialik in the 90’s and she ran toward me yelling, “Oh my god, it’s little Robin!” It was another reminder of how small the world really is and how something I do can be seen and appreciated by people I admire. Pretty damn cool.

I don’t regret stopping my training as a gymnast by any means. I’ve had an incredible career as an actress and now director. But these ladies are like super heroes to me. The tricks they are doing now, none of us could have even imagined 20 years ago. They are truly strong and feminine, and have impeccable poise. The future is FEMALE.

I hope they will be watching tonight…



Pretty Little Liars airs tonight on Freeform – “Exes and OMG’s”




Thank you George for being there yesterday with me. I was rattled and when you said “I saw that son of a bitch” I didn’t feel so alone. When you stopped your station-wagon to give me the description of the vehicle that hit me, I wasn’t thinking about the $500 deductible that I would have to pay to get my car fixed. You told me your name and I was immediately comforted. Little did you know… George is my favorite name.

I was in shock and angry that the Tesla that hit me thought we were playing bumper cars, except my car didn’t have a side bumper and we weren’t at Disneyland. I was emotional because I was reminded of my PTSD  that and I am vulnerable whether or not this was a tragic accident. Nobody got hurt, but the blatant disregard of speeding away, after at the very least, ruining somebody’s day is hard to swallow. And George, you gave me exactly what I needed in that moment. You were angry for me and protective of me in a way that was so endearing,especially coming from a stranger.

When it comes down to it, it’s so basic isn’t it? Being reckless has consequences and we have to be held accountable in order to heal those wounds. Granted, the situation would be a lot worse if I didn’t have the money to get my car fixed. I’m privileged in that way. What if that wasn’t the case? What if- not having a car would mean, not being able to drive myself to work? Or what if I got seriously hurt? The driver didn’t care to bother him/herself with any of these scenarios. The driver was on a mission, and the only  person that mattered in that experience is THEM.

I see this mentality being celebrated and validated and it makes me so nervous. I tweeted something that Marco Rubio said in a debate about “America being a country, not a planet” in regards to climate change and responsibility. Yes, I’m taking it out of context but the underlying theme of a lot of this dialogue is “worry about yourself”, “concern yourself with now”, “the future will happen regardless with what we do today.” Yes, it’s easier to speed away and not deal with the wreckage. But here I am, cleaning up your mess! Someday, somehow, someone will have to deal with it.

George is one of the good ones. George keeps people accountable. George knows when and how to do the right thing. It’s that simple.

My Name Is Kimberly



I’ve always hated my name. When I think of a “Kimberly”, I see a blonde cheerleader type, bubbly and sweet and ready to count all the ways in which she loves you. I’m not this type. I have brown hair, I’m a total tomboy and I make you earn my love.


My mother wanted to name me Kendall, which I would’ve preferred, but my father wanted to name me Melba after his mother who had passed away when he was only 19. As a compromise, they decided on Kimberly. It was a popular name at the time. It was 1978. Kimberly, Stephanie, and Jennifer were modern names compared to Ruth, Barbara and Francis, so…. I get it.


Side Note: Years later I named my English Mastiff Melba, after my grandmother who I never met. The old gal lived till she was 13 and half.


It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I began to investigate my name and the meaning behind it. I had assumed all this time that it was a boring white name with no real cultural juice to it, which me brings to the other reason my name felt so ordinary to me. My brothers are half Samoan and they are aptly named Kevica and Manaia-Sieva. Yup. I got stuck with good ol’ pom pom shakin’, Kimberly.


When I finally got past all the hate and actually looked it up, I found out that my name meant “Royalty” or “The Crown Jewel.” I found this interesting since my favorite color (purple) happens to be the color associated with royalty. And taking it a step further, I had named my companies Drama Queen Entertainment, and When I Am King Productions without knowing the meaning of my name. Hmm, curious…


I was forced to accept that the name Kimberly suits me after all. And even though I’ve contemplated changing my name to George (don’t ask me why), I’m sticking with it for now. I will even go so far as to say that I’m starting to like it. Even though, culturally is says virtually nothing about me, if you dig a little deeper, it’s meaning is certainly something to aspire to.

Silicon Beach


Anyone remember that part in BACK TO THE FUTURE where Marty goes to the future and finds that creepy sign in front of his neighborhood? Remember that feeling? Like the aliens had moved into his neighborhood and taken over? Well- that’s kinda what I felt like when I saw this sign on the way to pick up my friend at the airport.

Silicon Beach, eh? Has a nice ring to it, I must say. So, why does it make me feel so icky inside? If you’ve lived in Venice in the last 10-20 years, you may understand why I might feel this way. If you haven’t, then you’ll have to indulge me as I go on my little rant.

Some of you may have seen that Google, Snapchat and Hulu as well as many other tech companies are taking over much of the westside including, the famously eclectic Venice and until now, the pretty boring Playa Vista. You may have not known this because it doesn’t really effect you one way or the other. But it is happening. And it’s happening in a big way. It’s affecting the Venice culture in a way that one can’t ignore while walking down Abbott Kinney Blvd, now called “the most famous block in LA.”

Today, the ROOSTERFISH, a local gay bar (THE gay bar) announced they will be closing in May due to increased rent. Although it is a gay bar, I used to hang there with my friends on the patio. They had cheap drinks and a local vibe that I liked. In fact, almost all my old haunts are closed now. The only one still standing is THE OTHER ROOM, but unless you’re there on a Monday early evening, it feels way too shiny and doesn’t have  the neighborhood vibe it used to have. I had to face a very harsh reality today. VENICE IS OVER, kids.

I mean, I knew the end was near after the NIKKI’S incident. My friend and I were watching football at NIKKI’S on Market street a few months back and I went outside to make a phone call. I went across the street because all the windows were open and the football fans were being their rowdy selves. I attempted to the make the phone call, when I kid you not, two people (one man and one woman) came out of an unmarked door wearing all black and asked me to “hang up the phone and leave the premises.” I was so confused.


Leave the premises? I saw a bum sleeping right here where I’m standing last week.

woman in black:

This is private property, I need you to get off the sidewalk.


I’m sorry, who are you?

man in black:

Ma’m, I need to you leave. You’re leaning on the wall and you’re making our alarms go off.

Right then, I realized that my right foot was touching the brick wall behind me.


Um- this building is vacant. I can see right through the windows.

woman in black:

that’s our building too.


who do you work for?

woman in black:

I can’t give you that information. I need you to leave, now or I will have to call the cops.


Am I being punked?

At this point, they both stepped closer to me to intimidate me. I could see that they had tiny flesh colored ear buds in their ears. I relented.


ok, dude. I’ll leave. But I don’t think you know where you are. This is Venice. The land of hippies and artists and you’re telling me on a Sunday that I can’t make a phone call on a public street?

man in black:

This is private property.

In unison, they walked back into their unmarked door.

I went back into Nikki’s and told my friend what had happened. The owner came by and told us that the building with all it’s windows covered and the sketchy security personal was that of SNAPCHAT. Well, well, well. Now it all makes sense.

Three months later, Snapchat bought up NIKKI’S for it’s employee cafeteria. Such a bummer. The whole Silicon Beach this was becoming a reality. It wasn’t just a fancy slogan on a billboard. I was wrong. It was the land of the hippies and artists no longer.

HAL’S is gone too, and the cool vintage stores on Abbott Kinney. Now, millennials walk down the street in their flat brimmed hats and buy salted ice cream and LUCKY jeans. What a travesty. The rents have been raised and the diversity is sucked right out of it. The only thing still cool about Abbott Kinney is that Robert Downey Jr. has a house there. Or maybe he moved too…probably to Brooklyn.

I know… whah whah whah. But this means something to me! When I moved to Venice twelve years ago, I felt as thought I had found my peeps! People WERE cool, they were’t trying so hard to BE cool. And I’m allowed to be nostalgic about a place that made me truly happy. A place where you could ride your bike and run into friends and not feel like you’re breaking the bank just to grab a bite and maybe day drink a little. Or a lot! Shit- we did that and it was FUN. I even remember going to barbecues at a house on Abbott Kinney full of non- white, not so rich people. It was pretty great you guys. Promise.

I used to be so proud of my crazy little community and the collaboration that came with having so many artists in the same place. I dare say it was magical. I remember one night twelve of us went surfing when the full moon was out and we rode our bikes home in our wet clothes. I remember when they weren’t snobby at GJELINA and Isaac would let us into THE OTHER ROOM on a Friday night in our pajamas. But that’s all done. Now, it’s the man and woman in black demanding Venice locals to get of their “private property.” Terrible. And sad for the community.

But I guess you gotta grow up sometime and move to Mar Vista. Ha.

2015 Year End Wrap Up (The Discovery of DJ Bellum and other fun facts about being an adult)

The best and the worst of 2015 is enough to define me for at least the next 5 years. Although I sincerely hope that is not the case. I’m not sure is it’s a product of getting older or being more aware, but what I learned this year, is that things can turn on a dime and that it’s my responsibility to sit in those moments, no matter how micro they might be so that I don’t get whiplash.


I honestly can’t remember my mindset at the beginning of the year except to say, I was gonna DO SOME THANGS. Meaning, it was now or never as far as career and relationship went. “Time’s a wastin” as my momma says, and it was time to get on with things. On January 12th, I got a call (I know cause it was my mom’s birthday). It was the offer to direct an episode of “Pretty Little Liars.” So right there, my year was made.


Over the next several months, I prepared. I watched every single episode of the show as well as wrote some scripts of my own to get the creative juices flowing. This was such a dream come true, I didn’t want to blow it. Just to give you an idea about how that phone call felt, well- it was like the hottest dude ever, the one who had been denying me for the last three years, got down on his knee and said… “Will you marry me?” Um- yes, duh, like… I’ll totally, um, marry you, stud.


(Note: I’m currently at the local market writing this watching my ex-boyfriend in Scooby Doo… if you stay in the business long enough, you’ll be writing a blog about your year while watching your ex-boyfriend who is BLOND in a movie.)

Back to scene: Meanwhile, I ended one relationship and started another. This is good! Change is good! But my right side was going numb. I was having medical issues and wanted to find out what it was. Now, the only reason I had let my aches and pains go this far was because I have a dancer’s mentality- I’m pretty good at living with the pain. I had to quit boxing, which was a total bummer since it was a great way to get out my aggression. Lord knows I have a lot of it. When yoga started to hurt I knew that I couldn’t avoid the pain any longer. I had to find out what was going on with my body. If this was a movie, there would be this really cool montage of me going to all these amazing doctors, nutritionist, physical therapists and the like, on a quest for answers about my health. It’s not, it’s a blog, so pretend you’re wildly entertained at this moment and then… here we are at a neurologist’s office where he suggests that I do an MRI on my brain (just to rule things out.)


It was 4:30 pm on a Friday and the guy at the front desk asked if there was any chance I was pregnant. I said, “Sure, it’s a possibility…?” They insisted I do a pregnancy test before getting my brain scan. I agreed. Either way, I’ll be getting good news today, so let’s do it. The test was negative, so they loaded me into the big machine. It was SO LOUD. You know what I mean, if you’d had one. The only thing that kept me from losing my mind was imagining the sounds as a Bjork song and coming up with dance steps to the different beats. I’m a bit claustrophobic so I was proud for coming up with an interesting way to distract myself.


By the time I got out, it was 5:30pm and I asked the imaging dude for the results. He said I would have to wait for my doctor and I think he could sense the panic on my face about having to wait until Monday to speak with him. He asked me to wait in the parking structure and he brought out the printed results to me in my car, and we he ran away and I knew something was wrong. The paper said LARGE POSTERIOR CYST- seven and a half inches long and three and a half inches wide. I began to experience this moment as a filmmaker, carefully monitoring my thoughts, my breathing, and my behavior. In only what was realistically three seconds, I had decided everything in my life that had ever been important and how I was going to do spend the rest of my life (because clearly I was dying.) My life literally flashed before my eyes.


I called my boyfriend and then I called my doctor, knowing he wouldn’t answer but then he did. He told me not to worry, that he had been emailed the scans and that I didn’t have cancer and it was not a brain tumor. What I had was called an arachnoid cyst. What the what? “Arachnoid- like the movie, about people being scared of spiders?”, was all I thought. I drove home, thankful to be in rush hour traffic for once. I was still stunned by the fact that 15 min ago I thought I had 15 days to live. Or so I thought… holy shit.


This was before I saw an actual image of the scan, which I will share with you now…IMG_1480


Yup. I have penis on the brain. That large mass at the back of my brain that looks like a penis, is a cyst. Which isn’t a surprise for a lot of people who know me. But seriously, I found it very interesting that since I was little girl, I’ve said that I think like a dude and here was this very phallic shape resting inside my skull. He’s become a sort of buddy of mine. My trainer and I knick-named him DJ Bellum, cause he likes to scratch the record but stay anonymous in my brain, just chillin’ till the next gig.


After that, the year started to move pretty quickly. Summer was here and dang it was HOT. I live by the beach, you see and houses down here don’t have central air. Up until a few years ago, we didn’t need it! Now, with global warming and all that, there are a few weeks in the summer that are BRUTAL. Thankfully, my neighbor let’s me take a dip in her pool from time to time. Thanks Pammy.


This summer my beloved Melba passed away. She had a good run (she was 13yrs old) but I was a little sad she wasn’t going to meet the baby… I had just found out I was pregnant. Two weeks later I was in my office (OMG) over at “Pretty Little Liars” and I got a call from my doctor. The nurse came on the phone and to my surprise, told me I was having a girl. That was probably the best day of my life thus far, the one I will remember as “having it all.” It was the night before my first day of shooting. I was prepared. I was fulfilled.IMG_1858


The next seven days flew by. The cast and crew welcomed me with open arms and I was happy with my work. We had a good time, and it all fell into place. I was lucky. After that, we edited the show and I ended up hiring the editor on my next project, which I shot a couple months later.


“Hey Day” is inspired by my time growing up on a soap in the 80’s, so it was cathartic to write and direct the pilot to say the least. Chrissie Fit played the lead and was the most gracious, tenacious actress I’ve ever worked with and Finola Hughes, was well… Finola Hughes. She’s the greatest. How often do you get to work with or even direct your idol? What a pleasure I tell you. I love her dearly.


Then, one night, I emailed about a thousand dog rescues looking for a new dog. I was ready. The next morning, I picked one of the responses and drove to Lancaster to pick up my new pup- Jace, who is now “Handsome Jack.” He is my nugget, love bug, Jack-O-Lantern, sweet, sweet boy. And he knows how to charm the ladies. Three of my friends call him their boyfriend (you know who you are.) What can I say? He’s a ladies man. Modest isn’t a word I would use to describe him. Don’t act like you can’t tell from the pictures. As my grandmother would say, “Stop showing your everything Jack!”

IMG_1499IMG_2049 (1)


My heart was so full and then it broke. I had lost my baby girl. It was too much. I didn’t need to learn this lesson. I wasn’t interested. But I wasn’t in control. These things happen and no, I don’t believe they happen “for a reason.” I’m still processing, still healing, but anyone who has gone through it knows, losing a baby at 22 weeks is tragic. One thing I am proud of however was that I allowed myself to be happy and to relish the moment. I sat in all that goodness and I can recall those feelings (when I’m having different ones) and hope that it can be like that again.IMG_1458 (1)


I finished “Hey Day” and am excited to get it out into the world next year. Spending time with Jack, my emotional support dog (ha) and dancing again (hip-hop) is how I ended out my year. I also got to spend time with my General Hospital family and see my good friend Jason Thompson off, hopefully to greener pastures. I’m really proud of the work we did, not just this go around but over the last ten years. I made a great friend (JT), I gained a TV Daughter (the most precious soul on the planet) and got to tell an important and at times, really fun story.IMG_1773


Not to go total Oprah on you, but at the end of this year and the beginning of the next, I am grateful for it all. Tired. But grateful.